“A Portrait of What You Want Me to Be” is a series of self-portraits that explore the pressure of feminine ideals and the impact of the male gaze. Through these images, I examine the tension between society’s idealised version of femininity and the real, often complicated, experience of being a woman.
By directly performing to the male gaze, I explore how these external pressures affect self-image and personal autonomy. I invite viewers to reflect on the ways women are seen, in a world that often demands ideals of beauty, perfection, and behaviour.
There are some things I know I like: hyper-feminine clothing with florals and lace. But I also love the freedom I feel when I put on a baggy hoodie and pair of jeans.
I often wonder at what point I started to like florals and lace, because I think I did at around age 12 when I would often get teased for how tall I am. Perhaps it was an attempt to feel more feminine compared to my height and to get the boys to like me.
It’s a very reductionist idea but I think when you’re a kid there’s a few things that are drilled into you and maybe they stuck.
I can’t say that I care so much about the boys liking me now, but rather I care about how they speak to me. I just want to be spoken to as an equal.
More and more I’ve realised that the way that I look and what I wear can change how men treat me and it feels very constraining. Constraining to live up to the expectation- to live up to the idea of what I should look like and how I should act. But I do spend a lot of time in my own head so perhaps it’s an idea I’ve put on myself.
Maybe you’ve created the idea in my head.
All I know is that I feel conflicted and anonymous in the idea of what you want me to be.